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Between the horrible, yet hilarious dates I've been on, I found a guy I like. Two, actually... and therein lies the problem. One is from Brooklyn and the other from the Upper East Side. They're polar opposites, yet both strangely compatible with me. In the spirit of intra-borough rivalry, we'll call the scrappy Brooklyn boy "Dan", and the good-looking Upper East Side guy "Nate", but try not to let the Gossip Girl reference color your opinion of the story.
My first instinct, no joke, was to make a spreadsheet comparing the two. Good lord I'm a nerd.
We'll start with Dan. Dan is a Brooklyn born and bred hockey boy who messaged me one day on match. He's 23 (shocker, I know), not bad on the eyes, and caught my attention by referring to Minnesota by it's affectionate nickname "Minny." We eventually started talking on gchat and, much to my surprise, I found out his brother is one of my coworkers. It gets better. His brother is terrifying. Long hair, motorcycle jacket, communicates mostly through pointing and grunting - quite the imposing guy. Still, it's hard to be 100% badass when you wear a motorcycle jacket but carry a metro card.
Dan and I started to talk. Thanksgiving break was... uneasy... at my house, so I had a lot of spare time to chat. Most of our conversations revolved around hockey, football, work, and him poking fun at my accent, but they were enjoyable nonetheless. For example, we had a friendly bet going about the Wild vs. Rangers game. Whoever lost had to buy the other team's shirt and wear it on our date. For those of you who were fortunate enough to miss the game, the Wild got spanked 6-1. That Rangers shirt was the most painful purchase of my life.
We talked almost every day for two weeks - gchat, texting, or video chat - and decided that on our first date, I'd take my very first excursion into Brooklyn.
I am good at many things, but directions are not my strong suit. It is almost statistically impossible to be wrong as consistently as I am. Left and right? North? Uptown? What? My commute to Brooklyn, which should have taken me a half hour, took an unbelievable hour and a half. This means I was an hour late for dinner. His response? "You look cute in your Rangers shirt."
Points for Dan.
Then he took the subway with me back to the city so I wouldn't get lost. Yes, we were that couple that made out on the platform and snuggled on the train. Bystanders be damned, PDA can be fun.
But he's far from perfect. The consistent contact has turned borderline clingy, which is a huge turnoff. The perpetual student in me is disappointed that he doesn't care about school. He failed out of college once for having a GPA less than a 1.0. Apparently he was surprised he couldn't talk to his swimming coach and make the F's go away. Then there was the drinking problem.
To his credit, he went back and finished his engineering degree and is still in school for industrial design. Still, I know he cheated on his math test last week... when you program the answers into your calculator, don't expect me to get excited about your C.
Kinda cute, kinda dumb. Takes things a little fast - he made it perfectly clear he wants me to be his girlfriend. He also knew I was on a date with Nate tonight. After I left Nate, I looked at my phone and saw these text messages:
"You should wear your Ranger shirt today. That way you can think about me :)"
"So when do you have to go meet that Nate guy for your chickflick date that I would rather take you to"
"... Guess you're busy."
Don't get me wrong, I love alpha-male competition as much as the next girl, but that was a little much. For the record I did not wear my Ranger shirt tonight.
So that's Dan in a nutshell. Fine looking, good conversation - albeit about shallow topics - and sweet but persistent to the point of clingy. Aside from the jealous texts tonight, he's saying all the things I thought I wanted to hear... but now I just don't know if I want him to be the one saying them.
Phew. Halfway done. On to Nate.
Nate is not from match. I met him a few weeks ago while watching Monday Night Football with friends. He also happens to be the polar opposite of Dan - born and bred on the Upper East Side, studied Finance at BU, and is quite a good-looking fellow.
He was an ass when I first met him. We had a tally system going for how many strikes he accumulated that night, and I think we gave up counting somewhere near 140. When I say "strikes" I don't mean literal dealbreakers; it was playground flirting. He annoyed me to the point where I didn't know if I wanted to smack him or smooch him.
I made a colossal mistake that night. I told him about this blog. At the time I thought it was fine, but it has come back to bite me in the ass.
Nate: So anybody who asks you out... you have to date them.
Me: Yes.
Nate: You're saying if I went on this site, made a profile, and asked you out, you'd have to say yes.
Me: Yep.
Nate: Well how 'bout I just ask you out now?
See? Awwww. The kid has moves.
My birthday was a few days later and I invited him to come to drinks, but it was one of those uncomfortable situations where I was on the inside of the booth and didn't get a chance to talk to him. I genuinely felt bad about this, so we made plans to meet up a few days later.
This is where that colossal mistake comes into play. Not in a million years did I think he'd ever read the damn blog. My own mother doesn't care to keep up with this, why would he?
Oh but he did. Not only that, but he psychoanalyzed the shit outta me. It got to the point where I was physically uncomfortable - squirming in my seat, looking anywhere except him, hoping for a change of subject that would bring the focus off of me. I like to pride myself on not being a "game player." According to Nate, I'm the biggest playa around. Everything is a game, so he says, but I'm just used to being in control of it. That night, and the few dates since, I haven't been.
It's been a long time since I was that thrown off by someone, and I froze up a little. Even after our date tonight, I can't figure him out. He's still that annoying kid on the playground, but I definitely want to smooch him. The problem? He's not very clear - I don't know if he's into me or if we're just friends who kiss occasionally.
So there's my dilemma. Brooklyn: flawed, dumb, but very sweet guy who wants to be exclusive. Upper East: smart, cute, but a gamble.
Leave a comment - what's your vote??
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Dan comes on a bit strong with those texts, and Nate seems to be more enamored with himself than anyone else.
ReplyDeleteWhy not go with someone else? Give me a call if you come back to your alma mater.
-Your fling from the DP
my vote is Nate. He may have analyzed you, but he should also realize this blog is NOT the definition of who you are. If he doesn't understand that or have a sense of humor, then get back out there!!
ReplyDeleteDan sounds like a sweet guy, but that'll never go anywhere. Too clingy already? It would only get worse!!
Keep looking. Both might be fun to hang with for a while, but not for the long run.
ReplyDeleteYay, more blog updates!!! :) I LOVE this! Let me just say first and foremost, you're an awesome writer. If you do end up writing a book, doesn't matter if it has a happy ending or not, your book would be the most entertaining thing I've read since Harry Potter.
ReplyDeleteOnto analyzing your men...
Well, judging by what you wrote and how much you wrote, I'd be inclined to say that you, missy, like "Dan" more. He sounds clingy, but if you draw the line early enough, and he understands that, he will probably be the most loyal, and sweetest, guy ever. Show me one girl who doesn't like to know, every once in a while, that someone really wants to be with them all the time? Not many guys can admit that they like their girlfriends that much.
"Nate" - honest opinion? He doesn't sound like a good idea. He seems too smooth, knows how to play the game, and is putting his faults onto you by analyzing your blog- and ultimately judging you, probably not in a good way. You are not in the wrong here girlie, that's weird of him! In my opinion, he will definitely end up hurting you. Sure, definitely a fun guy, but long run dating material? In my experience, likely not going to last long enough to meet the parents.
Thus, my final vote is "Dan," as long as you draw a clear boundary with the clingy-ness and he's not stupid. No really, he can't be dumb. You're a smart girl, you need someone who will have stimulating conversations with you and challenge you! Not someone who tells you about how they cheated on their math exam... we're not in high school anymore people! Get with it and do your work! Do people honestly think they can cheat their way through college and end up with a rockin' job? (that's another topic of convo...)
What about the old guy? Sounds like a real catch! I already miss him.. (hah! juuuuuuust kidding).
I'd like to see where this goes though... what a fun experiment! I hope you are having fun. Don't let these boys hurt you though - you have the control now!
P.S. If "Dan" isn't smart, then he's not worth your time. BUT, good learning experience because maybe you should be looking for more guys like him..?
exactly why i dont date. - luv, Samurai babies.
ReplyDeleteIn all fairness... UES does read the blog, which is why I wrote less about him.
ReplyDeleteDan seems like my choice. Now I know programming answers into calculators sounds like cheating, but as a former electrical engineering major at UCLA, its probably not what you think. He probably threw the formulas or an example problem there. If he's an engineering major, he cant be dumb. I failed out of college as well, but through hard work I too completed my degree and landed a stellar job. I wouldn't say hes going nowhere, especially if he plans on having two degrees.
ReplyDeleteClingy? maybe, but thats a good thing in a relationship. In my experience my best relationship came from my now wife. She was very clingy at the beginning and I thought it was a turn off, until I found out how she really felt. I will love this woman forever, and had she been not so clingy, I doubt Id have her still. Jealous? Totally. Can I blame him? Not at all. Can you? You shouldn't.
On to Nate. I've been in these relationships too, surprise surprise. Not only does it seem that you're not totally into him, you're not even sure if he's totally into you. I had an old girlfriend who did this to me once. I liked her cause she was oh so pretty, and when we got together it was "fun" (to keep it pg). When I got home though, I was still alone, and knew there should be more than that. Not only this, but you refer to him as a 'Gamble".
My wife would like to add the following:
Sweetheart, if Dan is willing to fawn over you, you know he'll be one good choice. If it gets to be a little too much, tell him. But don't take the gamble over the sure thing. I'm not familiar with Match.com, but I have seen the commercials. If hes compatible with you, and you know he likes you, I say go for him. Take it from a happily married woman, go with Dan, he sounds wonderful.
Dennis and Jane again, the married couple from above:
ReplyDeleteso thats two more for Dan!
Hey, you removed my post about compatible IQs? Seriously, find someone who is smart...there was wisdom in that article!
ReplyDeleteGirl, I just found this blog and I love it. I'm a 19 year old single mother from Bushwick. Nate sounds like every otha man Ive been wit. Take it from someone who learned a hard lesson meeting someone at a club because he was a smooth talker. Whats that got me?
ReplyDeleteGo wit Danny, id rather be loved than used.
Any man who wouldn't let you take the train home at night is a definite keeper. I don't know how NYC trains are, but out here things get dicey at night. In high school and even in University I put notes in my calculator as well, my professors even told us to do this. Unless he had the test before hand, I doubt he could have cheated.
ReplyDeleteNate sounds like a typical player. Says some shit, kisses real good but will leave you for someone else, or cheat on you behind your back. Dan sounds like a true gentleman, will treat you like a queen and is every girls dream to bring home. So he's got some flaws, everyone does. My vote goes for Dan. And if hes a cutie, thats just bonus points there.
"According to Nate, I'm the biggest playa around. Everything is a game, so he says.."
ReplyDeleteBam, stay away. Red flag.
count in the Dan column.
I stumbled in on this blog a few months ago and read it when I had the chance. My girlfriends even decided to make a school project out of this, we hope you don't mind. Tonight the six of us passed around my laptop, each reading a paragraph and had our typical sleepover conversation. This time though, we did something kind of different. We had our own vote for your final choosing. for the first time ever we all had the same answer for a problem!
ReplyDeleteAll six of us chose Dan! He sounds like the kind of boy who would offer you his chair if there was no other, and he took you home, even if it was on the train.
Goodluck Wink! (Jenny says if you don't take Dan, shes going to cry)
Go team Dan! +6!
I gotta go with Dan here, only because his story sounds a lot like mine. I was a little too clingy with my now girlfriend of eight years (proposing next week!) in the beginning. I got jealous when we were casually dating, and all in all, I probably should have backed off a little. She told me that I was being a little too clingy, but she liked me, and was willing to give me a shot. Eight years later we're still together and soon to be engaged.
ReplyDeleteThe six girls had me laughing with their "Team Dan" slogan, so count my vote for him too. Go Team Dan :)
To the guy a couple above: I didn't delete any comments! Blogger must have freaked out and mislaid it.
ReplyDelete... and I'm still figuring it all out...
If you'd like someone to talk it out with, feel free to contact me through my blogger page. I'd be more than happy to help.
ReplyDelete-Andrew
Nate sounds like he would be fun for a month or so, before he cheated on you, or you two broke up. Also, if he was a finance major, chances are hes not really a scholar himself. I majored in Finance in a top business school in New York myself, and graduated Magna Cum Laude, and it really wasn't all that hard. Honestly, I wonder how some of the graduates even passed High School. Dan on the other hand, has an engineering degree. Those really are not the easiest degrees to get, so I doubt hes a dumb guy. Just food for thought on the education aspect there. I don't know what industrial design is, but probably math related. Takes ambition for those types of degrees, and usually with that comes great success.
ReplyDeleteI'm inclined to agree with Ellie from above where as long as you establish the line between clingy and not, you've got yourself a loyal, kind, and caring man in Dan. Thus my vote goes for Dan, as seems to be the majority.
-Thomas
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To Andrew:I enjoyed reading your blog, nice ring man, good luck on proposing!
truthfully, I think this is kind of stupid. Because a. you're going to go with who YOU want to go with and that seems like "Nate." and us giving you our opinions won't change jack shit.
ReplyDeleteb. you're not in Sex & the City. or some movie. You're fucking with people's lives. Clearly they read this. How would you like to have someone refer to you as "kinda cute, but dumb."
I'm sure your feelings would be hurt and you'd go cry to your girlfriends or maybe even to a blog.
c. I'm all for dating and getting a feel for what's out there, but don't fuck with people's emotions.
lastly, I hope Dan is smart enough to not choose you. You don't deserve someone like him
bye
oh & I just heard you choose Nate. I mean let's be serious, is any one surprised?
xo,
a.
I haven't read the more recent entry but.. I'd say keep Dan around as a caring friend. Once he matures a bit more he may be more eligible to date. Nate sounds like at least a handful of men you and I grew up with! Do not let our upbringing's implied expectations dictate your choice.
ReplyDelete