Call me crazy...

I have to admit there's another reason why I'm on match.com. Yeah, my dad initially suggested it as a good way to meet new people in a strange city and their commercials on Hulu are strangely persuasive. Still, I think self-reflection is an important part of growing up and I would be lying to all of you if I didn't admit to one fact: I'm bad at picking men.

First, I have no gay-dar. None. In Minnesota there are two extremes - a guy either resembles Paul Bunyan or is fabuloussssssss *snap*. That's an oversimplification, but you get my drift. The metrosexual fad on the East Coast is driving me insane. I'm all for a guy taking care of himself, but if he knows more about designer jeans and buys more expensive hand cream than I do, shit's not going to work out.

Let me explain it this way. I was at a Mexican restaurant last week with a recently single girlfriend of mine, and the male waiters at this fine establishment were stunningly gorgeous. We're talking unfairly hot. I spotted a guy at the bar who is the epitome of my type - tall, brown hair, blue eyes, broad shoulders, insane smile, with an intangible masculine air about him. Sure, he was mouthing every word to Beyonce's "Single Ladies" and shaking a mojito with a little too much hip action but come on, who doesn't? Ten minutes later our equally good looking waiter was painfully explaining why Mr. McBeautiful would never, ever be interested in me.

"Oh him at the bar? Ummm yeah. No, he doesn't have a girlfriend, but he's actually a homosexual. Come to think of it, every guy working here tonight is. So don't feel bad!! You have to understand... it's not YOU.... it's just that he doesn't like women."

Yeah, he got a big tip.

So I have no gay-dar, which is mostly funny and slightly uncomfortable at times, but doesn't mean I have bad judgment with men. Oh no. Here's what does: I get blinded by the fun of dating and forget to think clearly.

He stood me up last night. Jackass. But look at the cute text message he sent this morning! All is forgiven.

I mean technically he does have a girlfriend, but they're going to break up.

He doesn't have a college degree and is essentially drinking himself stupid on his parents' dollar, but isn't he funny?!

He's deployed in Iraq and when he gets back we'll be dating long distance indefinitely. Whatever. International dating can work.

There's no winning in these situations. I am smart enough to logically understand this. Unfortunately, my heart is borderline retarded. (In my defense they were all gorgeous, but teenage hormones are only partially to blame for my ridiculous track record.) This is where match.com actually provides a valuable social service. The deal-breakers are right up front - education, height, ability to string a sentence together, etc - and this businesslike approach makes it much more difficult to get bowled over in the sweet details which, in the end, can't sustain a relationship.

Admittedly, this approach takes some of the fun out of getting to know someone. I also have to deal with wading through creepers and enduring unbelievably awkward dinners. Still, at least the guys on the site are straight and single... and for me, that's a step in the right direction.

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