How It Works

"Let's tell people we met at Starbucks."

Despite what the Match.com commercials promise (1 in 5 relationships now start online! This is an acceptable way to meet your significant other! Lowest murder rate around... WE GUARANTEE IT!!), online dating remains stuck in social limbo. Years of negative stereotypes and scandal - pedophiles on MySpace, exhibitionists on Chatroulette, and let's not neglect the prostitutes on Craigslist - stained its reputation so badly it would take a wunderteam of Brawny and PR genius to clean up the mess.

Do I admit to strangers that I'm on Match? Fuck no. No matter what rosy statistics its marketing team put together, online dating is the equivalent of desperation, conjuring up images of sad Cathy comics and far too many cats. It's a last resort - the gastric bypass of dating. "What, you can't meet someone at bar like the rest of us normal folk? You're either a troll or certifiably insane. Have fun in your windowless basement room emailing middle-aged virgins!"

I'll freely admit that part of the reason I'm writing this blog is to justify my existence on the site. People ask questions... like "how'd you two meet?" Sure, that's innocent enough. But the temperature drops five degrees and shit gets rull awkward when the answer is "oh you know... we met online."

*pause for uncomfortable laughter*

If I don't feel like explaining The Project, I say it was a blind date set up by a friend. If the date was "I-might-consider-becoming-a-lesbian" bad, I say it was set up by a friend with a sick sense of humor. Any way you shake it, I'm not quick to fess up to my Match.com membership. Since my life is usually an open book, I'm guessing other people are equally as tight-lipped about their experiences in this arena.

So here's an introduction to the site - we'll call it Online Dating 101.

First, you have to create a profile. For all you technologically inclined youngins, this is similar to setting up a Facebook profile, but all of the fields are different. For example, you can fill out the following about you:

- Relationship Status: never married, separated, divorced, widow/er

- Age range: how old are you? how old will you date?

- Physical appearance: eye color, race, body type, hair color

- Interests: music, movies, etc

- Lifestyle: do you drink? smoke? what's your job? salary? religion?

- Photos: they encourage recent pictures, but there's no repercussion for lying

Next, you get to define the same fields for your partner. For example, I'm looking for someone taller than me with a bachelor's degree. Obviously, you can be much more specific in your search, including restrictions on income level and religion and so on, but I thought it was better to begin broad.

Fun fact: in poker, people often give themselves away by a "tell." In online dating, I'm convinced this "tell" is the username. JerseyBoy** was a juicehead who idolized The Situation and fell asleep at night dreaming about contracting STDs from Snooki. Another gem named IvyLeagueStud4U** was, not surprisingly, an elitist snob who only dated European-influenced women who could pull off riding a bike in stilettos. Needless to say, I failed his test. I'm sorry, but I've accepted the fact that I can't compete with the effortless elegance of French women. I have to rely on my wit and charm instead. Apparently he thought I was awkward and dull - shit happens.

After setting your search parameters and viewing the results, there are two ways to get in touch with another user. First, and most common, is a wink. (Note: wink... like the blog name! See? It all makes sense!) A wink is similar to a Facebook poke - it's a way to say "hi" or, if you're a little more enthusiastic, a "hey girl heyyyyyy" without having to expend the effort of an email. Mirroring real life, there are rules in the online dating world. For example, don't wink at someone AND email them... unless you want to reach a whole new level of desperate. If a guy winks at a girl: he thinks you're hot and probably hasn't read your profile. Winking is cheaper, easier, and faster. If a guy emails a girl: he probably likes you. Congrats!

I don't know much about girl-girl or guy-guy interactions on the site - totally cool with me in general, but since I'm not looking for a lesbian lover (yet... but good lord I might switch teams if things keep going the way they are), I wouldn't really know. I'll try and get a few guest bloggers in from time to time who either represent other sites, sexual orientations, or age ranges to liven up the mix.

If you have any questions about the process that I haven't covered, leave them in the comments. For the next post: let the dating begin!